Single Awareness Day. That’s the way my middle son acknowledged Valentine’s Day for the last some eight years, or so. He married this past December, and I haven’t asked, but I can imagine today holds a special meaning in his- uh- heart!
There is so much to be said for the times of sadness and times of joy. We’ve been created to love. We were designed to share. Yet, sometimes, that’s not our reality. The times of loneliness can feel so empty. Our soul longs for its mate whether for the first time, or because there’s no more time.
In the past two years, my family was made particularly aware of the feeling of lost love. The end of February will mark two years without Mom, and Dad left us just this past August. I’ve spent the last few months thinking about all we gain when we let ourselves love, and all we lose when lose those we love. But to be honest, with two sons now married off, and one happily attached, I think overall we sometimes forget the solitude of singleness. Even the husband and I will make twenty-eight years of marital sometimes not bliss, but mostly blessing, this March. Losing Mom was so hard, but for this daddy’s girl, losing Dad took the toll. Their loss took more than just their presence from me. I’m missing pieces of my heart, pieces I can’t get back this side of Heaven. The missing places have made me more sensitive, more aware, or maybe just more understanding of suffering.
What’s all this talk of love and loss got to do with writing? Everything if I were a romance writer. I lean more to Women’s Contemporary Fiction with a touch of love. I think there’s a love for the written word in all its stages. In the past six months, I’ve finished the first draft of the longed for novel. There are days I look at that ream or two of paper and wonder if it’s bound for it’s place in history as a door stop. There are more than a few days I ponder how great it would be if it’s bound for some happy bookshelf. Most days, I’m pretty realistic. This book is a stepping stone, a learning curve, that piece of literature I may always refer to as ‘my first love’.
This is me. I’m on a writing journey. Today feels very singular. The ‘aloneness’ of writing, editing, and revising steals a little something from my love for creating. I rattle the husband’s head with made-up details, an imaginary world, and hopefully realistic characters, and he nods and smiles. I think he’s busily planting the garden in his mind!
Thirty-three chapters of a little over three thousand words each call me early and keep me up late. I work full-time between the fringe hours of writing and ponder thinks like love and loss. I’m thankful. There’s much to be thankful for. But because I know not everyone can say so, this is a song for the wondering, those wondering if this is the rest of their life.
Today you may feel very singular, but know this, there’s a God who sees you. He knows you. He knows the desires of your heart and the grief of your soul. He knows your longing for love. Feel his love. Feel his companionship. Feel the romance of his calling resonate in your soul. Be loved today.
For the love and for the loss.